Why Bill Clinton Takes Public Transportation (6/26)
Washington transit employees got caught running their own love train:

"At one point the employees used the Metro loudspeaker system to facilitate an illicit sexual arrangement, according to police who arrested the pair last week. "

Snow White and the Dwarf Pimp? (6/23)
This sounds like Law and Order: SVU meets a side show:

"Jacqueline Green, a.k.a. 'Shorty,' due to her 3 foot 9 inch height, is charged with promoting prostitution and child endangerment for allegedly pimping a 15-year-old that ran away from a troubled home. "

Call of the Girl Chimps Gone Wild  (6/18)
Your girlfriend the screamer may be trying to attract other guys:

" ' The female chimps we observed in the wild seemed to be much more concerned with having sex with many different males, without other females finding out about it, than causing male chimps to fight over them.' "

Aren't You Supposed to Kick the Tires? (6/16)
British driving instructor busted for having girls kick his crotch:

"The 32-year-old twice stripped naked from the waist down, crouched on all fours on a towel in woodland near Bicester and encouraged four girls to kick him in the groin until he could no longer handle the pain. "

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Lifestyles of the Rich, Coked-out, and Horny  (6/15)
Being a high-tech billionaire definitely has its perks:

" The underground bunker also showed his penchant for wild sex parties and his manic side. In August 2000, he hired contractors to build a second secret underground lair to which he could bring prostitutes and illegal drugs. "

What Di's Butler Saw - Don't Even Ask (6/15)
Please don't make us picture Queen Elizabeth in her birthday suit:

" 'Paul told me that he'd get a phone call from Diana in the middle of the night specifically to have sex with her. He said she was very sexually demanding  -  "a bit ****ing kinky" were his words  -  and if you worked for the princess you worked for her 24/7.' "

If the Penis Cast Doesn't Fit, You Must Acquit (6/13)
The defendant pleads not guilty by reason of having a huge dick:

"Gold said McDade's accuser didn't suffer injuries consistent with someone who had been assaulted by his client, whom he described as a 'freak of nature' who is 'extraordinarily large.' "

Judge in Obscenity Trial a Little Too Qualified (6/11)
Apparently he has his own personal collection:

" Kozinski said he thought the material on his Web site couldn't be seen by the public. The images included a video of a "half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal," the newspaper reported. "

Defense Pulls Out Anal Beads During Murder Trial (6/2)
They raided the victim's mom's sex toy collection to prove she was a sex fiend:

" First, Assistant District Attorney Kevin Steele walked to the back of the room and asked a group of teenage girls to leave – 'It's probably not a good idea to be in here' - as Santarelli slid on a pair of rubber gloves and got to work."

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Firefighters Cut 16 Washers from Man's Penis (6/1)
Fella, the washers aren't for that kind of plumbing:

" It was not clear how the situation arose. The man may well have thought long and hard about placing himself in the difficult situation. "

Car Enthusiast Takes "Autoerotica" Literally (5/31)
He must check carsales.com to look for dates:

" Before Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses. "

Crazy-looking Female Hitchhiker Turns Out to Be Crazy (5/29)
If you have to call police to ask if she's an escaped mental patient, don't boink her:

" Hearing from police they weren't looking for anyone, Martello took LaBarre to a hotel, where they had sex. Martello said that after having intercourse, LaBarre told him he had just had sex with an angel. "

Nude Maid Walks Off With $40K Worth of Booty (5/28)
OK, so the obvious question is where did she hide the jewelry?

" The victim provided the woman's web site along with a brief description of her appearance. He obviously could not give deputies a clothing description."