All That and a Bag of Chips (6/24)
But getting a BJ from a prostitute with Dorito-breath is kind of a turn off:

" Johnson, a Frito-Lay employee, provided Smith with a case of chips he valued at $30."

Banker's Lover Convicted of Murder During Kinky Sex (6/24)
Doesn't "Don't shoot me!" count as a safe word?

" Ms Brossard, 40, had confessed to shooting Mr Stern in his luxury flat in Geneva in 2005. He was found in a skin-coloured latex suit pierced with four bullet wounds. "

Hefner Can't Tell His Twin Lovers Apart (6/24)
Heck, those girls all look the same in those bunny suits:

"The men’s magazine mogul admitted that he still can’t really tell them apart. 'I have one little trick, one has a little mark,' Hef said, motioning to his neck. 'Other than that, I don’t know.' "

It's Raining Boobs, Hallelujah, It's Raining Boobs... (6/24)
Topless skydiving for charity - that's a cause we can all get under, er, behind:

"She said: 'I don't know if I'll hurt myself – I might do because I'm a 36GG.' "

Kung Fu Star Cross-dressed at Time of Death? (6/24)
Reportedly he was wearing a wig and fishnets:

"Thai authorities have ruled Carradine's June 4 death a "sex accident" due to autoerotic asphyxiation gone wrong. The "Kung Fu" actor, 72, was found with his wrists, neck and genitals bound by a rope."

Torched Topless Coffee Shop Takes Temporary Cover (6/10)
We're sure they won't be the only ones pitching a tent:

" Crabtee's home and business were destroyed in a deliberately set fire Wednesday, just hours after he had talked with local officials about making the business more like a strip club."

Falling Price of BJs a Bad Economic Indicator  (6/10)
The recession is taking the whole sex work economy down with it:

" 'Five years ago, I was making $500 to $600 a night,' she says. 'It was good money. But everybody's feeling the recession. Regulars I used to see once or twice a week, I don't see them as often. One regular I haven't seen in six months. He's laid off.' "

Couple Has Worst Excuse Ever for Public Indecency  (6/10)
He could have been charged for practicing medicine without a license:

" The officer asked what they were doing, to which the pair had no response. When the officer told them people had called saying they were having sex, the man said he was 'checking her cyst for her.' "

Prostitutes Protesting on International Whores Day  (6/1)
Well, this should at least get them some free publicity:

" Sex worker Ivy McIntosh said people in her profession were being overcharged when they placed ads in local papers. 'I'm paying too much for a measly two inches,' she said in a statement."

College Sex Survey: Historians Do It With Dates  (6/1)
Maybe no surprise here that the maths and sciences are not well represented:

" Historians were found to claim to be more sexually active than any other undergraduate, closely followed by students studying politics, philosophy, economics and English literature. "

Follow Up: Police Collar Man for Assaulting Blow Up Dolls  (6/1)
Sex dolls everywhere can rest easy now the this perp is behind bars:

" Police have charged the unidentified man, believed to be from the city's Manunda suburb, with four counts of breaking and entering. They told the paper that DNA samples had been recovered from one of the dolls."

Anti-Sex Toy Crusader Faces Senate Committee  (5/7)
This sounds just like something out of that Harper Valley PTA song:

" She helped pass a dress code for that targeted the short skirts Webb wore to meetings. But she denied filing the anonymous complaint that prompted local police to arrest Webb - eventually leading to a 5th U.S Circuit Court of Appeal's decision last year that it's legal to sell sex toys in Texas."

Not a Question on the US Census: Panty Color  (5/7)
Touching yourself during the interview also isn't standard procedure:

" She sent the Census Bureau an e-mail, assuming the man must be an impersonator. But, it turned out the man was really employed as a Census worker."

Man Gets Bigger Penis, Then Wants His Old One Back  (5/7)
Some people will just never be satisfied with what they have:

" ' He said no woman wants to be with him anymore. He came here several times, begged us for new surgery, swore he would never be so stupid again. If there was a surgery to enlarge brains, we would offer him a free trial.' "

Secretary Bites off Boss's Penis in Freak Accident (5/7)
The kicker is they were being followed by a PI hired by the woman's husband:

" 'After the car was hit by the van, there was a loud scream from the woman whose mouth was covered with blood,' he said. The woman later followed her lover to the hospital with part of the sexual organ."

McDonald's Tries Out Happy Ending Meal  (5/7)
When I was a kid all we got in happy meals was crappy toys:

" Fribourg state police said the mother called them after the girl discovered the condom among her French fries. Police said Monday they were investigating where the condom came from and how it got into the Happy Meal. "

Man Bites His Own Penis...But Did He Swallow?  (4/16)
I thought autofellatio meant never having to worry about too much teeth:

" It's not clear why Iriarte bit his own penis, but investigators might be just as confused -- or impressed -- that he did it at all."

Pfizer Red-Faced Over Promotional Boxer Brouhaha  (4/14)
Boxers seem pretty tame...now if it had been Viagra jockstraps...:

" One GP said she had no intention of returning the item and only regretted that a Viagra-equivalent for women wasn’t on the market."

Better Pack More Than a Change of Undies  (4/13)
Since when is being too sexy grounds for deportation:

" A Brazilian woman was refused entry to the UK when she arrived at Newcastle Airport with luggage containing only T-shirts, a dressing gown and lingerie. "

Masturbation to Cure Hayfever - Way More Fun Than Claritin  (4/1)
Either way you'll need a tissue:

" 'There are some limitations in using ejaculation or masturbation as treatment of nasal congestion, such as not being applicable out of home and not having any sex partner' "