Lady Gaga Puts an End to the Argument (2/26/10)
She straps one one for a magazine cover that's banned in the U.S.:

" ' We all know that one of the biggest talking points of the year was that I have a dick, so why not give them what they want?” she told the magazine, adding, “I want to wear a dick strapped to my vagina.' "

Backstage Pass to Stripper Show Falls Through (2/26/10)
Here we have clubs for people who welcome this sort of "punishment":

" The first Malaysian women to be caned under Islamic law for having illicit sex have reportedly said they regretted their actions and welcomed the punishment. "

Teachers in Hot Water for Dirty Dancing at Rally (2/26/10)
What's next? Pole dancing for gym class?

" More than 100 students in grades 9 to 12 watched as the man performed a sort of lap dance for the woman, while she sat in a chair in the middle of the gym floor and laughed and played along."

Scientists Using Panda Porn to Encourage Breeding (2/26/10)
Well, that's how a lot of humans learn how to have sex too:

"Scientists have found that the combination of porn, exercises, and the occasional menage a trois -- to get young male pandas curious about sex -- have proved successful."

Woman Not Laughing at 50 Cent's Sex Tape Humor (2/26/10)
It's not 50 Cent having sex - he edited himself into the footage:

" Leviston says that she and Murray made the video in 2008 and that he agreed to destroy the evidence. But it turns out he sold the tape to 50 Cent. Murray's face is blurred out of the released version."

Backstage Pass to Stripper Show Falls Through (2/2/10)
His plan to sneak in through the ceiling came crashing down - onto the stage:

" The mind boggles at this one: A guy trying to sneak in the dressing room of nude performers. What did he expect to see? Women with their clothes on?"

State Official Caught Wanking off on Job (2/2/10)
State official caught masturbating - in a state owned vehicle:

" When State Police Trooper R.R. Cervera pulled Knorr over a short time later, he noticed Knorr's jeans were unbuttoned and his zipper was down, the criminal complaint says. Knorr was driving a state-owned Dodge pickup truck at the time."

Furries Shed Inhibitions at FurCon (2/2/10)
A gathering for those who have to get their fur on before they get off:

" The so-called "furries" are discouraged to talk while in costume as it breaks the illusion. The ones that do see themselves as ambassadors.  They say boundaries between people disappear when they wear the friendly furry costumes. "

What's The Opposite of Gay for Pay?  (2/2/10)
Everybody knows there's no such thing as a lesbian hooker:

" Defense lawyer Ikiesha Al-Shabazz says the prosecutor's scheme 'doesn't even make sense,' and the logic that lesbians don't have sex with men for money is just 'faulty.' "

Guy With Biggest Penis Can't Get a Job (2/2/10)
Um, sorry dude, but you're assuming that anyone is taking you seriously at all:

" And despite seemingly being tailor-made for the adult industry, Falcon says that he doesn't do porn because if he did, 'Nobody would take me seriously. Nobody.' "

Tiger's Sex Secrets Coming to Light (1/4/10)
Dirty jokes, expensive hookers, and kinky sex - who says golf is boring?

" He refers to Woods as a "sex addict" with a "harem" and a predilection for crude sexual jokes. Bissinger also lists the allegations made by Woods' alleged mistresses, which he refers to as "sex, tons of it, in allegedly all different varieties"."

Forget the Kids - Who Gets the Vibrator? (1/4/10)
Divorced couples fight over custody of power tools and sex toys:

" 'Things that don't mean a lot to some are important to others and people shouldn't be embarrassed about coming forward with things they want - even if it's something rather unusual.' "

Finnish Supermarkets to Sell Sex Toys (1/4/10)
Grocery list: Milk, eggs, bread...strap-on dildo?

" Aula said the new range of toys in supermarkets should not hasten discussions on sex among young children, while the Finnish Consumer Agency has demanded that all ‘adult’ products be placed well beyond children’s reach."

Scientists Say the G-Spot Is a Myth (1/4/10)
If you can't find it, here's why - if you can find it, it's all in your head:

" If a female claims to have one, it's only because she thinks she does, according to the study, detailed in yesterday's Times of London. "

Prostitutes Heat Up Climate Change Conference (12/4)
Delegates expected to experience global warming in their pants:

" Mayor Ritt Bjerregaard sent postcards to 160 Copenhagen hotels, urging guests and delegates to refrain from buying sex. The city's prostitutes have retaliated by offering free sex to anyone who brings one of the cards to an assignation."

Jealous Wife Resorts to Weiner Roast (12/4)
That Doors song "Light My Fire" will never  be the same:

" A previous court hearing heard Narayan had told neighbours: 'I'm a jealous wife, his penis should belong to me. I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else ... I didn't mean this to happen.' "

Viagra for Women? Men Everywhere Rejoice (12/4)
If it increases sex drive, it's still arguably an antidepressant:

" 'Flibanserin was a poor antidepressant,' Thorp said. 'However, astute observers noted that it increased libido in laboratory animals and human subjects.' "

Johnson & Johnson Heiress Gets Dirty (12/4)
Rich girl goes all Fatal Attraction on a model, then it gets weird:

" The thief stole jewelry, shoes, 600 pages of a legal document, clothing -- even her underwear. The thief also left a bizarre calling card -- a used vibrator was found in her bed and a wet towel was on the floor. "

She Lets Her Fingers Do the Walking While She Sleeps (12/4)
It's like getting roofied and taking advantage of yourself every night:

" 'Out of the blue one evening he asked me why I played with myself at night. I denied it because I couldn't remember ever doing it.' "

Striking Bus Drivers Need More Time Up (11/10)
Transit workers want a minimum of one Viagra pill per day:

" SEPTA has agreed to cover almost all of its rising health-care costs, and to increase coverage for Pfizer's Viagra. Workers are unhappy that their health insurance plan only covers about 10 pills a month."

Duke Sex Toy Study Raises Eyebrows (11/10)
Because it's important to know what vibrators undergrad co-eds are buying:

" 'Not all research will make people comfortable. In fact, there's a lot of things, there are a lot of questions, there are a lot of issues that are studied at a university that make people uncomfortable.' "

Woman Fakes Breast Cancer to Get Boob Job (11/10)
Her marriage was terminally ill, she was just sicko:

"She lied about her illness, collected $10,000 at a benefit thrown for her, then used the money for breast implants in an attempt to save her failing, seven-month marriage. She also lied about chemotherapy and shaved her head to look the part of a cancer patient."

Man Arrested for Having Sex Without a License (11/10)
If you get caught having sex in the car, don't lead cops on a high speed chase:

" McNear then allegedly slid into the driver's seat and sped away. Officers said they saw McNear switch places with the woman so she was in the driver's seat."

Dominatrix Professor Disciplined by Lawsuit (11/10)
But enrollment for her freshman comp class is way up:

" Sharon Warner found Chavez posing as Mistress Jade with one former graduate student and two graduate students who were in the program at the time. Chavez posed as a dominatrix professor disciplining her misbehaving students."